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How do you define an extreme sport?
Is it extreme because of its inherent physical danger or because of the
amount of pleasure such participants derive from it when they do it well?
In my humble opinion, by either of these definitions, Table Football is
an Extreme Sport.
I quote the following 10 examples as proof.
1. Physical danger From the opposition, if you thrash them - particularly
if they are markedly larger than you.
2. Physical danger From the opposition, if you win a 'sweat ball' game by
a lucky goal or by resorting to 'slime' tactics.
3. Physical danger From your playing partner, if you don't win the 'sweat
ball' game by a lucky goal or by resorting to 'slime' tactics.
4. Physical danger From the heart stopping, gut wrenching terror when the
opposition's forward has the ball on his front men and your defender has
the glazed eyes of a man about to leave an open goal.
5. Physical danger From all the alcohol you have had to drink whilst you
gradually became more and more proficient, or at least, believed you had
become more proficient.
6. Physical danger From your girlfriend who spent endless hours waiting
because you kept losing and couldn't walk away without showing the opposition
how good you really were.
7. Physical danger From your next girlfriend who spent endless hours waiting
whilst you were on a wining streak which you just couldn't afford to abandon.
8. Physical danger From the fact that there are so few players about these
days that you are suffering from alcohol poisoning and double vision before
you actually find some opposition, which greatly contributes to 5 above.
9. Physical danger From the wives / girlfriends of the potential opposition
who you do eventually find, as they have banned their blokes from playing.
You therefore have to run the grave risk of direct confrontation with these
intimidating specimens of womanhood who are themselves considerably larger
and more aggressive than they used to be, presumably due to 6 and 7 above.
10. Physical danger And what about the endless strain on your legs from
standing at the table or on your arms from lifting the pints and, last but
by no means least, the continual threat of the dreaded thrutchers wrist?
Watch any game of table football anywhere in the country, marvel at the
intense concentration of the players and listen to the cries of success
and the shrieks of anguish upon failure. These tell you without fear of
contradiction just how extreme a sport table football actually is.
After all, can you tell me of any other sport in which you are in danger
whilst trying to find the venue, from your wife / girlfriend both at the
venue and afterwards, from your partner on the table, from the opposition
and even from the opposition's wives / girlfriends?
Written by 'The Fat Bloke'
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